


to knife and be knifed by the one that you love

by Shespitsfire



Category: Good Morning Call (TV)
Genre: AU, Breakups, Canon Divergence, Friendship, Gen, Growing Up, Healing, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Self Respect, Self-Discovery, University, self love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24911203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shespitsfire/pseuds/Shespitsfire
Summary: One-shot collection based on requests.Ch 1:"Can you rewrite Season 2 of Good Morning Call after Nao and Uehara breakup?"
Comments: 15
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eleonorastay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleonorastay/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: "can you rewrite Season 2 of Good Morning Call after Nao and Uehara breakup?''

The morning after telling Uehara “let’s break up” feels like waking up from a years-long dream.

After icing her eyes (swollen from all the sobbing), Nao discovers that it takes no time at all to make one breakfast and one lunch instead of two. She’s finished so quickly that, for once, she’s early to her first class. 

It’s in the middle of the period that she realizes with a jolt that she’s taking all general education courses, because she has no idea what to study. Her only dream has been to be Uehara’s girlfriend and, eventually, his wife. 

At lunch, Ota and Marina talk about a hundred things going on that she can’t believe she doesn’t already know about. Every follow-up question is met with either a sheepish look (Ota) or a careless wave of the hand (Marina). _“We’ve definitely talked about this before,”_ they say. _“You probably don’t remember because you were busy with something.”_

They’re sweet enough not to state the obvious about who that _something_ is. 

Was. 

* * *

Within a few weeks, life without Uehara fills up with everything else that Nao has let fall to the wayside. She starts studying so she can actually answer questions in class, instead of making lists of the things that Uehara likes. Instead of desperately freeing up her weekends for potential dates with Uehara, she finally makes it to Daichi’s games. Nights usually spent watching the scary movies that Uehara orders online, are now reserved for low-budget spa nights with Marina, or going out for drinks with the girls from the sewing club.

When she goes out, men flirt with her, sometimes. Nao is still too shy ( _too heartbroken,_ she tells herself, though it sounds more like something that’s supposed to be instead of something that is) to ever flirt back.

Not texting him with dumb things, just anything she can think of to get a response, is harder than she thought. At some point, each of her friends will end up taking Nao’s phone and locking themselves in the bathroom with it. Nao’s always mad in the moment, but she ends up baking them dessert as a thank you every time . After all, it’s not like texting him would change anything, even if Uehara was the type to answer.

He probably would, Nao thinks. But that doesn’t mean she should do it.

Abe writes another play, and though he refuses to ever cast her with an onstage part again, he lets her be his stage manager. It fills her entire schedule for a solid two weeks; she gets back to her apartment at wee hours of the morning, and it’s an incredible amount of fun.

Even though the door next to hers remains closed, she knows Uehara’s light only goes off when she’s safely inside. It’s not enough, but it means something. Nao wouldn’t pretend otherwise.

Nao just barely passes her midterms by the skin of her teeth. She quits her job at the shop to find something on campus, so she can have more time to study. Luckily, the communications department offers one-semester positions at the help-desk to students. With her friendly demeanor and dedication to solving problems, Nao is readily accepted.

And if leaving her other workplace means that Natsume can’t watch her from the back room, eyes carrying all the hopes that he’s not brave enough to admit, then that’s just the way things are. 

Mitsuishi comes to visit. Naturally, he hears the story from Uehara first. He asks Nao questions, some of which are easy to answer ( _It wasn’t because of Saeko)_ and some of which are harder ( _I don’t know what it would take to fix it_ ).

_“_ It’s funny, Nao,” he says, slinging one arm around Marina’s waist and the other around Nao’s shoulders. “I thought you’d have to be a very different person to dump Uehara. But you seem even more like yourself, lately.”

She laughs, shakes her head as though she doesn’t understand. But that night, Nao turns the words over and over in her mind like a diamond, wondering how it was exactly what she needed to hear.

* * *

Right before second semester, the problems start. Natsume visits Uehara’s apartment at least three times a week--perhaps to try to accidentally-on-purpose run into her, or possibly to try to get them back together, or Uehara’s just making sure she doesn’t end up dating him. Nao doesn’t know what to say to either man; with the way they stare at her, she knows that they expect something. It’s her _responsibility,_ in their eyes, to say something that will fix it. Or at least to give them a clue on how Uehara can.

But, if she’s being honest with herself (and she promised she would, now that she’s going to be a real adult)?

Nao doesn’t want to.

* * *

Instead, she finds a new apartment a few blocks down and moves in when she knows Uehara’s out of town to visit Yuri and Takuya.

Maybe it’s the coward’s move, but she can breathe easier after it’s done.

Her new apartment is big and bright, and when she decorates Nao finds all kinds of things that she’s long left untouched. Old photos of her friends, Kitaura’s cell phone number scrawled on a piece of paper so they could keep in touch while at separate colleges, a gift card from Yuri to a “real grown-up lady’s store”. Her high school certificate, the lumpy hand-stitched handkerchief she started and abandoned for her dad’s birthday, and finally a report she made in junior high, writing that someday, she would go to school to be a kindergarten teacher.

Nao sits on the kitchen floor, sobbing in shame and embarrassment, for centering her entire life around someone other than herself. Pressing her hands to her cheeks, she promises that _from now on, my dreams should be about me._

Because she’s still unpacking, Nao orders ramen for dinner. She calls Kitaura’s number, catching up while she eats. When she quietly admits that things are over with Uehara, Kitaura laughs and says, “I thought that might happen.”

Nao wonders how everyone but her could see it for so long. The lack of pity in Kitaura’s voice is strangely exciting, though.

They make plans to talk again, and visit over break. It’s a weird joy to schedule her time around a group of friends, instead of a single boyfriend.

* * *

She submits her request for an education major. The next time she orders ramen, Nao and the delivery boy stare at each other in stunned surprise. Issei, as it turns out, has wondered what she’s been up to.

They go to a movie. A comedy, one that they both laugh at. One night turns into another, and another, and another. Sometimes Ota joins them; sometimes it’s Daichi and Nanase; but most of the time, it’s just the two of them.

When she tells him about Uehara, sitting on the couch red-penning the poster for Abe’s latest project, Issei seems to freeze. His gaze is guarded when he asks, “Do you miss him, Nao?”

It’s hard to explain how the answer can be yes and no. But Issei is the kind of person that won’t judge her for struggling with something like that, so Nao tries her best to explain.

Sometimes she thinks about kissing Issei. Not now, when she’s still getting pieces of herself back; but maybe someday.

* * *

Part of her expects the day to come when Uehara knocks on her door, breathless and not wearing a coat, arms hanging loosely at his sides like he doesn’t know what to do with them. It’s deja vu, when he asks her to come back and says he’s _sorry, really sorry, I don’t want to be without you anymore._ He starts to say he loves her, and Nao feels the words from deep within her heart spill out from her lips before he can finish. 

“The Nao that you remember, that you’re in love with, isn’t here anymore. She always chose you. This time, I choose myself.” 

Shutting the door on him is the hardest thing she’s ever done in her life. But she does it, and the world doesn’t end.

Instead, Nao has finally found herself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: "Can you do an AU about what would have happened if Nao & Uehara had gotten engaged at the end of the series?"

Uehara’s not stupid; he can see the wistful glances Nao keeps on giving to the dresses in the bridal shop that they pass on the way to the market.

He can also see the wistful glances that Natsume keeps giving Nao. Even if she would never look back; she only has eyes for him, after all.

Uehara doesn’t see the point in getting married now, though. It makes sense to wait until they’re done with college, and if he has a stable job by then.

He doesn’t say this to Nao, because it’s the sensible decision and thus she should already know, shouldn’t she?

It happens during one of their usual dumb fights. Nao is upset over the same things she’s always upset about--Nao and Uehara don’t spend enough time together, and even when Nao and Uehara do spend time together it’s not to do one of a million “couple” things that Nao should already know Uehara finds awkward and uninteresting. With tears in her eyes, Nao reaches the highest level of drama that he thinks she’s capable of to wail, “Mitsuishi is proposing to Marina this Christmas! Have you ever even _thought_ about that?”

Her friends’ relationship has nothing to do with them, so Uehara just stares at her and waits for an explanation. Instead, Nao retreats back to her apartment, sobbing in the way that always bothers him because it means her heart is broken over something that really isn’t that big of a deal.

A few days later it’s Natsume, wearing a cheeky grin that doesn’t reach his eyes, that says, “Girls love weddings. If you’re not willing to marry her, maybe I will.”

_I’m just joking! It’s always just a joke._

But it isn’t.

And because Natsume is better than he is--better with people, better at making Nao smile--Uehara has no choice.

It isn’t until later that he thinks that perhaps he should have actually planned something. Instead, when Nao opens the door, he makes an awkward circle around the living room and kitchen before grabbing her hand. Her eyes grow impossibly bigger when he holds up the ring that swallowed his entire month’s salary.

“This is what you wanted, right?”

Squealing through her tears, she throws both arms around him, and everything’s okay again.

Until Nao starts planning the wedding.

There’s so many questions, so many details and none of it matters but it’s the only thing that matters to Nao. She talks everyone’s ear off about it all the time, and he takes to locking himself in the bathroom just to get enough quiet to study. His future in-laws send him 10 pages of instructions for a family tradition that sounds like the most embarrassing thing in the world (which of course Nao thinks is romantic and exciting). Abe and Mitsuishi and Marina and especially Yuri send him hundreds of messages about the wedding, the wedding, _the wedding..._

  
It’s a Saturday when Natsume leans over the couch with a laugh and says, “At least Nao isn’t the type to want something big and fancy. When I saw her just now, she was planning to make all of the centerpieces herself to save money.”

Maybe it’s because Natsume’s eyes look sad, but that’s the final straw. He bursts into Nao’s apartment, wades through the sea of tissue paper and glitter--she’s in the bathroom, shrieking at him not to come in. He leans against the door, steels himself for the heartbreak that he’ll have to ease, and confesses.

“We need to postpone the wedding.”

Silence. Then: “What?”

“It’s too soon.”

The door creaks open. Nao, dressed in swaths of lace and tulle that he’s never seen before, and she’s beautiful and _oh_.  
She’s not crying. She’s _totally numb_.  
It scares him, and so he does what he always does when he’s scared. Schooling his features into a mask, he reminds her that he’s not this type of guy, that he’s always been this type of guy. They’ve been down these roads so many times before, and he always gives in and it never turns out like how she wants, so there’s no point in asking him to change.

She’s quiet. Then she nods. “Okay. I’m sorry, Uehara-kun.”

The door shuts.

She’s a zombie for the next few weeks, but that’s just Nao’s way of things--she’ll be broken-hearted for a while, but she always forgives him, and then everything will be good again. Uehara knows that he’s lucky to have her, so he makes sure to compliment her cooking every meal and takes on the burden of cancelling all of the wedding reservations. Because she’s Nao, absurdly dedicated to ridiculous things only, it takes several nights to complete this task.

It’s been two weeks, and their friends are still treating them both like glass. Uehara doesn’t see why; it’s not like they broke up, or even that they’re never getting married. Natsume disappears for a long while, and he doesn’t see why that is, either.

They’re at dinner when she puts her bowl down and frowns at him. “Why did you propose to me, Uehara-kun?”

Knowing Nao, she’s made up all kinds of reasons in her head. Uehara’s in a bad mood--because of Natsume, and all of their friends, and Yuri giving him an earful for no reason other than she wanted to go to a wedding and now that chance is delayed--so he tells the truth. “Because you wanted me to.”

Her face goes numb again. The food sticks in the back of his throat.

“I...I think we should break up.”

He doesn’t understand her, doesn’t understand _why_. How can something this stupid be more important than the two of them being together? Fine, he’ll marry her, if she wants that so much--

“It’s not because of that,” she sighs, putting the dishes into the sink. Uehara’s by the door, because he wants to leave but he doesn’t want her to let him. “It’s just...we’ve been together for almost two years, and we still don’t know how to talk about anything.”

So what? He doesn’t understand why it bothers her now; it never has before.

“Natsume said that it’s like...you want me to know what you’re thinking all the time. And for you to know how I’m feeling, everybody else always has to get involved. Aren’t you tired of that?”

Of course it’s Natsume. That’s why all of this is happening now; Natsume’s finally chosen the potential of loving Nao over his friendship with Uehara. He’s never the one anyone chooses in the end; it’s only ever been Nao, and here she is, leaving him, too.

“Do you love him?” He says, plainly. Nao twists to look at him in a way she never has before.

“No. It’s not about him, it’s about us. We’ve always been this way.”

_But you never cared. You always put up with it, before._

He must have said the last part aloud, because Nao bites her lip and looks away. “Well, I don’t want to anymore. I wanted to get married because I love you, and you wanted to get married so that you wouldn’t lose me. That doesn’t make sense.”

Not wanting to lose her is the same as loving her.

Isn’t it?

\--

Uehara’s not stupid. He can see the wistful glances Nao gives him when she passes him by on her way to class. She misses them, which means she wants him back.

There’s nothing stopping them from getting back together.

But when he knocks on her door at night, she doesn’t answer. She’s not answering Natsume’s calls, either. She won’t say anything about where they stand.

How is he supposed to know?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: "Possible gmc headcannon: Nao's actually a lesbian. She never liked Uehara, and her whole jealousy thing when Yuri was involved was actually because when she saw Yuri for the first time, she developed an instant crush on her, and so the whole time Nao had actually been jealous of Uehara. Same thing happens with Kitaura, especially since Kitaura is actually a lesbian like her. But Kitaura is just paying attention to Uehara, and Nao wonders why he keeps stealing the women she likes."

* * *

Nao likes girls.

Girls who lend her a pen in class, who rush up behind her in the halls to warn her that there’s blood on the back of her skirt, girls who smile and compliment her haircut even though the bangs are just a little too short.

She’s friendly, so she likes a lot of girls, and a lot of girls like her.

But when her parents talk about her future, it’s always a _husband_ , and when her teachers snap at her for daydreaming, they always accuse _whatever boy you’re crushing on_ , and when Mitsuishi and Marina tease her about Daichi it’s always to say that he’ll be heartbroken the day she gets a _boyfriend_.

So Nao decides that, while she likes girls, she will love boys.

Uehara is the epitome of a boy -- he’s handsome, put-together, surprisingly warm-hearted beneath a stiff exterior. When she looks at him she doesn’t think _brother_ like she does with Daichi, or _buddy_ like she does with Mitsuishi.

So Nao (a girl) likes him (a boy).

* * *

When she meets Yuri, she can’t stop looking at her and thinking how pretty she is. Red lipstick the color of a secret (Nao would never dare) and sad eyes rimmed with expensive mascara (how can someone who gets everything they want still be so lonely), she is every bit what Nao expected Uehara’s first love to be (it’s easy to see how anyone could love Yuri. Anyone but Nao, of course).

They eat together, shop together, gossip together. Nao can’t put on her finger on why it feels so different from hanging out with Marina. Yuri’s dripping with something, her mother would say _new money_ and Abe calls it _good taste_ but Nao doesn’t think either of those are right.

She offers Yuri the soju because she doesn’t know any better. Then a cloud of expensive perfume is trapping her against the wall, and Nao’s heart is beating _so fast so fast so fast_. Yuri, completely drunk and bleeding loneliness, gives her a red-lipped grin.

“I want to kiiiiiiiiiiiss!”

Nao likes Uehara. Yuri knows she does. Uehara even knows she does.

Nao (a girl) doesn’t run away when Yuri (a girl) leans in.

* * *

Kitaura Nozumi crosses both arms and looks at her with challenging eyes. “Uehara Hisashi is my nemesis,” she says matter-of-fact, and Nao feels her heart beat _so fast so fast so fast_ because she was expecting a love confession.

For Kitaura to confess that she loves Uehara, of course. All girls love Uehara, but none of them as much as Nao.

But girls love Kitaura too, it seems. She’s pretty (the first word to come to mind is handsome but that’s for boys) and unashamedly bold (red knuckles instead of red lips) and quick on her feet ( _when she saved me from falling, my heart fluttered a little_ Marina says over the phone and Nao laughs like it’s a joke because it is, right?).

The only thing that Kitaura is bad at is ping-pong, apparently. But with everything she is good at, her only goal is to challenge Uehara. It makes something inside Nao feel cold and brittle.

 _Why are you jealous_ , Mitsuishi asks one day. He looks at her so intensely that Nao wants to ask him what is it that he knows that she doesn’t. _Obviously she doesn’t like him. He ruined her first love, or whatever._

"You’re right,” she laughs, turning around in her seat. Kitaura (a girl) loved her best friend (a girl) who fell in love with Uehara (a boy). That’s the only kind of ending for a story like that.

She’s lucky that she’s not like Kitaura.

* * *

Uehara looks at her with an unfamiliar heat in his eyes. He grips her arms and stumbles over the words, because as sincere as they are it isn’t his style to say them. “I didn’t want to room with you because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to control myself if we did.”

Nao thinks of Yuri’s kisses, staining her cheeks like scarlet letters.

She thinks of Kitaura’s hand on her arm, and the wide-eyed look that followed when Nao inhaled sharply and leaned closer.

“You’re beautiful,” Uehara says.

Nao’s heart races, but this time doesn’t feel good.

* * *

“Yoshikawa,” Kitaura says, gripping the strap of her book-bag before she can walk away. “Can I ask you something?”

_“I’m so sorry, Nao.” Yuri bows low, presenting a pink shopping bag. “You know how I get when I’m drunk. Please accept this and forgive me!”_

_“They’re lesbians,” Daichi says calmly, mistaking her wide-eyed gaze at the television for confusion. “Women who date other women. There’s nothing wrong with it.”_

_Uehara goes straight into his room from work, letting the door shut behind him. Nao eats dinner alone at the table, missing something that may not actually be him._

“Don’t,” she whispers. But Kitaura is afraid of nothing, and her grip on Nao’s book-bag only tightens before she says the words.

“Yoshikawa, do you like girls?”

Tears sting the corners of her eyes, but she hides them with a bright smile (Nao’s so good at playing dumb, at playing the clingy girlfriend, at playing that she only wants what she can have).

“Of course I like girls! I’m a girl, aren’t I? It’d be strange to hate my own kind.”

Kitaura’s fingers fall away, but the look on her face is terrifying, because Nao’s answer hasn’t fooled her at all.

* * *

It’s midnight. Uehara sleeps soundly in the room next to hers. Nao’s still awake, staring up at the ceiling.

Her hand presses to her lips, thinking of how he kissed her in the elevator. _He’s jealous over Issei. He wants me to quit my job._

Her stomach is all in jitters, sending shock waves pulsing over her skin. But when the first haze of sleep comes, it is memories of red lips and red knuckles that sends her heart flying.

* * *

“You can try it if you want,” Kitaura says, tossing her bangs like this isn’t a big deal. Her sleeves are rolled up because it’s the first heat of summer, the last summer before they all go their separate ways for college. “Lots of girls have.”

 _Don’t give me permission to use you,_ Nao thinks, even as she’s already leaning in. She came in hours before her exam, because she knew Kitaura’s was an early morning one (and Uehara’s isn’t until tomorrow). She knew that Kitaura would hang out in this particular stairwell, that no one else would be around, that if she stepped just a little too close and let her fingers trail over the other girl’s wrist that she would understand (Nao hoped to God she would understand).

Kitaura’s kiss is nothing like Uehara’s kiss. Something inside Nao cracks, shatters, digs painfully into her heart and lungs and she knows she’s bleeding but it’s so good, like the first full breath she’s ever taken in her entire life. Her pulse is racing, like her heart wants to jump out of her chest into Kitaura’s hand.

It hurts because now, she knows.

Nao likes girls.

(There’s nothing wrong with it, Daichi says again. His arm goes around her shoulders, and Nao realizes she’s crying.)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Soooo re Good Morning Call, if you could choose any of our second male leads to win Nao's heart instead of Uehara, who would it be and how would it go down?" 
> 
> Answer: ISSEI ALL DAY EVERY DAY

Nao moves out of her apartment as soon as finals are over. 

She can’t stand walking past Uehara’s door every day, as the number of days after the breakup go from three to ten to thirty. Abe says _it’s obvious he misses you_ and Marina says _why did you dump him if you didn’t want to_ and Natsume says _I’ve told him that you rejected me, if you keep this up it will just give me false hope._ But none of that matters because Uehara doesn’t say anything. 

Her new apartment is a third-floor studio, situated at the end of a long hall across from the staircase. Even though moving in is hell, it’s a relief for Nao not to start every morning with her key frozen in the lock, using every bit of self control that she possesses to keep from screaming _Why won’t you fight for me?_

Because she hates having to go up-and-down more than is absolutely necessary, Nao orders delivery on the nights that she’s too tired to cook. It’s the second night that she orders ramen when she finds herself standing in front of the door, wearing too-small pajama shorts and a face mask, staring into Issei’s shocked brown eyes. 

_“You slammed the door on his foot?” Marina chokes on her laughter, clapping both hands. “Gosh, I hope you gave him a good tip…”_

The third time, she’s composed enough to apologize and invite him in. Luckily, she’s the last delivery before his shift ends. 

_**Sounds like fate** , Mitsuishi’s response text reads, and Nao agrees at the time without understanding fully what he means. _

With steaming take-out bowls in between their legs, they sit on Nao’s floor and catch up. Issei’s on his third apprenticeship, working his way through the four main groups of ramen; it makes the fact that Nao’s just barely passed her first semester of college without any clue what to major in sound even more embarrassing. When she says so, Issei ruffles her hair just like old times and tells her not to worry. “First semester’s for partying, anyway. From all these books around, it looks like you’re planning to study hard.” 

There’s no way to avoid what the conversation leads to, but she manages to tell the story of how things ended with Uehara for the first time without crying. It keeps her up all night, trying to figure out why Issei’s face becomes so guarded hearing about it. 

* * *

Nao finds out where he works completely by accident. She recognizes the shop’s name while making her way down the block to apply for part-time jobs.

_”Being near me’s too weird for you, Nao?” Natsume says, but the hurt in his eyes makes it clear that it isn’t a joke._

The way Issei’s face brightens upon seeing her at the counter makes her stomach do somersaults. He casually mentions the days that he’s on in-store duty instead of delivery, and Nao takes to stopping by. 

Even though it means she has to deal with the damn stairs. 

When he walks her home one night, the movie theater down the street catches his eye. “Yoshikawa—you still like comedies, right?” 

She does. 

She likes them even better with someone beside her, laughing along to the same jokes, and grabbing her arm in excitement. 

* * *

“It wasn’t a double date!” Nao protests, waving both hands. Ota’s bottom lip sticks out the way it always does when she’s confused. 

“You went with Issei, Nanase, and Daichi. Those two are a couple, right? And you and Issei are–” 

“Friends!” The word turns into a screech, and Nao looks around wildly to make sure no one (especially Natsume _)_ is around to hear. “He’s just a friend!”

“Oh.” Puzzled, Ota leans her chin into her hand. “Why?” 

“What do you mean, _why?”_

The other girl shrugs; though she looks casual, there’s a glint of knowing in her expression. It makes Nao strangely furious– _what is it that everyone always seems to know, that she doesn’t_? “Why is he just a friend? You talk about him all the time. You seem to have a lot of fun together. Is it because you’re still waiting for Uehara?” 

“No!” But as soon as she says it, Nao feels red-hot guilt bloom in her chest. Because if she _is_ waiting for Uehara, then the flip-flopping in her stomach when Issei smiles would make her a traitor. But if she _isn’t_ waiting for Uehara, if she’s truly over him, then was their love really as serious and irreplaceable as she thought? 

“I’m sorry, Nao.” At least Ota has the sense to look rueful. “I shouldn’t have asked.” 

* * *

She never considered that maybe Issei likes her. But she didn’t consider that Daichi or Natsume liked her either, before they’d said something. Looking back on things like that (with all the signs she missed) makes Nao feel less than secure in her own abilities; so she goes to an expert. 

“Hm,” Abe says, tapping both hands on the steering wheel. “Does he find reasons to touch you a lot?” 

_“Don’t eat it too fast,” Issei says, tapping her forehead._

_His hands land warmly on her shoulders with a squeeze. “Good luck on your exam today.”_

_He kneels, gesturing to his back. “You’re going to trip going up the stairs with those heels. Hop on.”_

“Does he make time to spend with you, even when it’s inconvenient?” 

_Issei laughs when Nao gasps at the time on the clock. “It’s okay. The morning shift is more interesting on only a few hours of sleep, anyway…”_

_“Morning!” A crinkly paper bag pushes into her chest. “I only have a few minutes, but I wanted to make sure you had breakfast before work.”_

_She giggles as he yawns into the phone, “You better have a good reason for waking me up this early…”_

“Does he take care of you when you’re in a vulnerable state?” 

_“I don’t think it’s a ghost,” he sighs, “but I’ll stay on the line until you’re asleep, okay?”_

_“You’ll pass next time.” He ruffles her hair. “And if you don’t, just come work in the ramen shop with me. I won’t tell them how clumsy you are.”_

_It would have been their two year anniversary, so she’s drunk and sobbing Uehara’s name. Issei rubs her back in circles, cursing under his breath because he probably thinks she won’t remember. “That guy never deserved you…”_

“Yoshikawa,” Abe sing-songs, looking strangely proud, “You’re blushing.” 

* * *

“You’re pretty quiet, Yoshikawa,” Issei says, rolling onto his side. “More than usual. What’s wrong?” 

Nao bites her lip, staring up at the ceiling. The blanket stretched beneath the two of them doesn’t do a thing to keep the hard floor from making her back ache. She can feel his gaze on her cheek, knows that if she turned her head he’d be merely a breath away–

_**How are you,** Uehara’s text reads in her phone, and Nao stares at it for the millionth time before putting it down without replying. _

“Issei, how do you know if you’re ready for something new?” 

“Ah.” He shifts up onto one elbow. Even without looking at him, Nao knows his eyebrows are twitching together. “Well, it’s whenever I feel like I can make everything on a shop’s menu without having to check instructions that I feel like it’s time to move on. I know that the ramen’s in my heart by then.” 

“I’m not talking about ramen,” she sighs. 

Then Issei’s face is above hers, and even though it’s totally, completely innocent, Nao’s face burns. 

“What are you talking about, then?” 

Taking a deep breath, Nao drifts one hand up to the back of his neck. Issei freezes, the guarded look falling over his expression like a veil. 

Heartbeat pounding in her ears so hard that she thinks she would faint if she wasn’t already lying down, Nao says, “Can I kiss you?” 

He swallows audibly. “Yoshikawa…”

Maybe she thought wrong, and he doesn’t actually like her like that. Perhaps the kindness was out of pity, the kind that Nao seems to inspire in so many people despite it never being her intention. Maybe, just like with Uehara, Nao is too stupid to simply accept what she already has, instead of wanting more. 

Then Issei’s hands are in her hair–he’s kissing her, and Nao’s seeing _stars_.

* * *

Nao learns to like the stairs. If Issei’s always waiting for her at the end of them, then it’s worth it. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Request: ""When nao and uehara break up she decides to be with daichi""

Like most things that have happened since high school, Nao did not plan the aftermath of breaking up with Uehara.

Her _intentions_ were obvious. Either she'd become Uehara's ideal girl (no, _woman)_ , mature and self-confident and totally fine with centering her entire existence around Uehara's often unspoken feelings, which she would also magically be able to understand without any communication necessary; or he would realize how much he loved having her there to make him lunch and beg him to tutor her in math and awkwardly kiss goodnight in the space between their apartments.

Instead, what happens is that twenty times a day, Nao checks their messages in her phone, and there's nothing new waiting for her. When she waits outside his apartment in her patented disguise, he doesn't even look in her direction when he passes by.

It hurts even worse, because Nao knows Uehara doesn't even want Saeko. It means he'd rather have no one, than have her.

One night, she's walking home in the rain and going through all the ways that she's ruined it — _why couldn't you just put up with it, why did you have to be selfish, why haven't you gone to beg on your hands and knees for his forgiveness —_ when a hand grabs her shoulder.

"Yoshikawa Nao, what are you doing out here? You'll catch a cold."

She turns, blinking away raindrops ( _not tears, she's definitely not crying, nope)_ that have gathered on her eyelashes. Daichi looks down at her, and even though he's wearing a hooded team sweatshirt instead of a jacket and she's carrying an armful of textbooks instead of a collapsing cake, it feels just like the time before.

She throws herself into Daichi's arms, sobbing. And, just like before, he wastes no time in holding her tight.

* * *

"How are things with Nanase?" She asks, snuggling deeper into the blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

From where he's hanging Nao's textbooks over his drying rack, Daichi gives her a smile ( _the one he wears_ _just for you, Mitsuishi mutters under his breath and Nao pretends she didn't hear)._

 _"_ Awkward, honestly. We're trying to stay friends, but that's hard to do when you already know the other person's feelings."

Nao bites her lip, remembering against her will the days after she'd realized Daichi saw her as a woman. The shift had been startling; she'd panicked, pulled away from him, only accepting his comfort when Uehara let her down. 

And now she was reliving the same experience with Natsume; except this time, things with Uehara were even more of a mess.

"I'm sorry, Dai-chan."

"It's alright." He smiles again, and despite her guilt it does it's job—making Nao feel warm and safe, like being with Daichi always has. From the days he would help her write her letters to Santa, to pushing her on the swings, to teaching her to put her face in the water during swim class even though she was scared, Daichi has always made her feel safe."Nao." He comes over to sit beside her. For the first time, Nao registers the cup of tea on the table in front of her, when he gently pushes it closer. "I'm sorry for not reaching out to you more last year."

"Ah! Please don't apologize!" She laughs, despite the growing ache in her head. Perhaps he was right, and she's getting ill. "You must have been so busy, right after graduation…And we hang out all the time now, so it's okay!"

Daichi nods slowly, waiting for her to take a sip, before drinking out of a matching mug. After a moment, he speaks again. "I think I needed that time for myself, to be honest. When I confessed to you, I thought that things would remain the same, no matter what your answer was. That I could be by your side in the same way that I'd always been. But it was strange, wasn't it?" His tone holds no bitterness. "When I went to university, it was a good time to find out who Shinozaki Daichi was, just on his own. Without centering it all on what he meant to someone else."

Tea warming her tongue, Nao nods slowly in understanding.

"Because of that year, it was possible for me to be the best friend that I could to you, when we saw each other again. Maybe you need that time, to be that person for Uehara."

Nao glances at his face, out of the corner of her eye. He's not smiling when he says it, making it obvious what he's thinking. Daichi's never liked Uehara, beyond just the typical jealousy; and now, almost two years on with nothing to show for it, all of the defenses that Nao has spent her time crafting feel painfully hollow.

But she knows he's trying to encourage her happiness. She knows she wants to be brave.

Clinking their mugs together, she says with as much cheerfulness as she can muster in this moment, "You are so wise, Dai-chan."

He laughs and ruffles her hair, and Nao tells herself the warm feeling in her stomach is just tea and nothing else.

* * *

One thing Nao's realized about her relationship with Uehara is just how much time she has on her hands, now that things are over between them.

She gets a new job at a coffee shop to avoid Natsume (and his constant questions about whether Uehara has texted her yet), but it barely helps to fill the hours she has left. With what seems like endless empty weekends yawning before her, she pencils in each of Daichi's games on her calendar. Nao might not understand sports too much, but she has a competitive spirit and can cheer with the best of them.

Even though it's a little uncomfortable to have Nanase sulking a few rows down, she has a good time; the games are fast-paced and exciting. Daichi practically _beams_ when he notices her there, even after it becomes routine.

It feels good, to be looked at like that.

Nao starts to bring him treats from work, as rewards for all of his hard work. They're walking back to the parking lot, Daichi halfway through a box of chocolate covered madeleines, when she realizes that she has an exam on Monday and starts panicking.

Daichi smiles that smile again. "Want some help studying? I took it last semester, it was a cinch."

She smiles ( _Your knight in shining armor, Marina teases, and Nao shushes her loudly)_ and ignores the pounding of her heart.

—

"Am I a bad person?" Nao says, before shaking the magic eight ball aggressively. From the couch behind her where she's painting her nails, Ota looks up with a frown.

"Nao, don't think that! You're a great friend."

Nao ignores her, not wanting to explain that the question was originally a lot more detailed in her head ( _am I a bad person for inviting Dai-chan's team to dinner and taking the chair next to his, and even though I felt bad when I saw Nanase's face I still didn't move?)._

**My sources say no.**

Taking a deep breath, she shakes the toy vigorously. "Will I pass finals?" ( _Will I pass finals even though while I was studying with Daichi all I could think about was the way he chews on the end of the pencil, and how he's always done that but I never seemed to notice before, and that just made me wonder what else I haven't noticed?)_

**Most likely.**

"That's good, Nao!" Ota cheers, leaning over to see the result. Nao smiles weakly and mumbles, "One more turn…was dating Uehara a mistake?"

Ota goes quiet. Nao doesn't want to turn to look at her face, instead flipping the magic eight ball over. ( _Was dating Uehara a mistake, because it means I wasted years on someone who wanted me to read their mind, instead of finding someone who was brave enough to tell me what was in their heart? Or was it good because at least I know I tried, so no one can ever say that's why it didn't work between us?)_

**Better not tell you now.**

* * *

Nao ducks behind the pillar, breathing hard. She pulls the hat on either side of her head down harder, resisting the urge to scream.

Uehara ( _who won't look at her, talk to her, text her)_ repeats himself, fist tight against Daichi's collar. "I said, are you dating Yoshikawa?"

Daichi ( _who walks her home after work, held her when she cried over failing her math exam, took her to a greenhouse and bought her an adorable little cactus just last weekend)_ stands firm, back against a pillar that's twenty feet away from the one Nao's using to hide. "We're friends, not that it's any of your business."

Uehara says something else, but Nao can't hear him; her heart's pounding so hard, it's painful.

Every muscle in her body is screaming to go over there—but to do what? Push Uehara away? Scream at him for daring to accost the men in her life for being there when he wouldn't? Defend Daichi, who he's always looked at with such disdain, as though he hasn't spent the better part of his life making sure Nao was happy?

Friends. _Friends._

It feels wrong to hear Daichi say that, and Nao's rooted to the spot in terror of what that has to mean.

* * *

"What?"

Scrambling back from the couch, Daichi laughs. It's the laugh he always uses to hide his nerves ( _that time he broke the potted plant when we were seven and his mom asked what happened, when he gave me a Valentine card for the first time, when he had to give a speech in his history class and he couldn't remember his opening line)._

Nao stares back, unfazed. "I said that I like you, Dai-chan."

He stammers, face turning pink. "You're—you don't mean that."

"Yes I do." She recites it, everything she planned in her bathroom mirror last night as she went through the rebuttals he might give. "It's not because I'm lonely without Uehara, or because I'm scared of being alone, or because I like hanging out with you and I've confused that with being in love."

Daichi's hands fold and unfold. He's looking at her like he always does ( _like Nao's the moon and he dreads the moment when she'll disappear to let morning take her place)_ and when he speaks, it's not at all what she expected to say. "

Did you know Uehara's the only person I've ever hit in anger?"

She blinks once, twice. "Huh?"

He chuckles in embarrassment, one hand sliding against the back of his neck. "I just couldn't stand—knowing that you loved him so much, that you were so _brave_ for him, and he wouldn't be that for you—"

Nao's heart shudders. There's probably something wrong, that even her love confession has been usurped by her ex, but this feels like the kind of thing that he needs to say.

So she waits.

"I thought that if he could just—if he would love you, the way that I would have loved you, then I could deal with it." Daichi blurts; his hand tears through his hair to turn it into a mess. "I could be your friend and be there for you and _be happy for you._ But Nao, seeing you unhappy and heartbroken and trying so hard, it absolutely breaks me."

Tears fill her eyes. Daichi moves forward on reflex, moving to wipe them away with his thumbs as he cups her face.

"Nao," he breathes. "You deserve the world. You deserve _so much."_

 _I don't want the world,_ she thinks, curling both hands in his sweater. _I don't need romantic platitudes or promises of forever or the dream boyfriend. I want to feel safe._ "Dai-chan. You said that I needed space. That might change things, and it did. But not for me and Uehara. Dai-chan, please, I love—"

He presses her close; she fits as perfectly in his arms just like always. Nao's lips meet his.

And it's not the first time they've ever kissed, but it's the first time that she feels it's right.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song request: "Now you want me, but what if your heart's a liar? 'Cause if you change your mind again, I'll burn like a wild fire" from Wildfire by Marianas Trench + Nao/Uehara from Good Morning Call

Uehara walks several steps ahead, shoes hitting the pavement with embarrassingly loud thumps. It’s not meant as a warning--that he’s grumpy, because they’re late, because Nao wasn’t ready--but Nao feels the swelling of guilt settle in the back of her throat anyway. 

Stuffing both hands into the pockets of her fluffy coat, she waddles after him, feeling her usual smile stretch across her face. She can’t help being happy--after all, they made up. After weeks of painful silence, of wanting and waiting, Uehara finally made her dreams come true. Somehow, all of her wishes and fantasies aligned and left him there. 

Standing before her, tears in his eyes. Saying her name. 

Saying “I love you.”  
Nao stops dead on the sidewalk, both hands pressed to her heart, in a swoon at the memory. Uehara must sense it, because he looks back over his shoulder. 

“Yoshikawa.” 

She startles, eyes widening in a manner that Marina once lovingly referred to as “classic Saturday morning cartoon.” 

“Oh, I’m coming!” Bolting forward, Nao giggles unabashedly. “Uehara--” 

Suddenly, an image flashes in her mind--cold eyes, lips pressed so tight together like his face is carved from a single block of stone, Uehara walks away without another word.   
It’s like a bucket of cold water thrown cruelly into her face. Nao’s steps falter, her smile shrinking. 

“Yoshikawa?” Uehara raises an eyebrow at her. One hand drifts from his side to grip the edge of her jacket. “What is it?” 

“Huh? Oh...” Ruffling her hair with one hand, Nao’s tone slips easily into what she thinks of as her “silly-me” voice. Only to be employed when absolutely necessary, towards those who could possibly worry about her well-being. Her parents, Uehara, Yuri-rin...somehow it comforts them when Nao appears to be happily clueless, rather than sad and self-aware. 

The only person she’s never been able to truly fool with it (who maybe had a tone of his own, to let her pretend she was fooling him) was Daichi. “Nothing, I just think I left some homework at home.” 

Uehara exhales loudly, turning back to squint towards their apartment and then in the opposite direction, towards the bus stop. “I guess you should go--”

“No, no!” Sliding her arm through his, she all but drags him in the direction they were going. “It’s okay. It’s just one grade.”

“Are you sure?” His eyes are curious, not cold. Yet Nao still feels a shiver run down her spine. 

Smiling, she nods. “Let’s go!” 

Once on the bus, Uehara pulls out a textbook to study. Nao stares out the window, mind unfurling like an endless spool of thread. 

That day at the cabin, he wouldn’t explain to me what he was thinking.   
I did--I do--everything for his happiness. But he wouldn’t believe it, somehow.  
Does he believe it now?  
Squirming in her seat, she swallows down the burn of acid that rises in her throat. Something dark bubbles in the pit of her stomach. He wouldn’t leave me feeling lonely and confused like that again, would he?  
Of course not. He has to know how bad I felt.   
Pain tickles the edge of her wrist, as she digs a fingernail into her skin. Beside her, Uehara flips the book’s pages with ease, lost in his own thoughts. 

Silly. He knows exactly what he wants now. But the more she tries to reassure herself, the more potent the feeling in her belly grows. With startling clarity, she realizes it’s not guilt, or even fear. 

She’s angry. Angry at him, for putting her in the position to always expect that he’ll leave, for watching her put every free moment of her time towards their relationship and being jealous of Natsume (and Issei, and Daichi, and who knows how many others) anyway. 

Uehara made her realize just how fragile his heart was, that he’d risk breaking hers for the sake of it. And thinking about it, even for just a moment, makes Nao so angry she thinks she’s going to cry. 

Stop it. There’s no point. Forehead thunking against the window, she breathes out roughly. You already said that you forgave him.  
“What is it?” Uehara leans over, trying to see her face. The textbook folds in his hands, one thumb bookmarking his place. “Are you sick?” 

When Nao turns back to him, she’s smiling. 

“Nope. I’m all good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Knife by Mary Lambert. 
> 
> You can request one-shots from my fandom sideblog, savethelastdan on Tumblr.


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